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Aug 22

Alcoholic’s Announcement: End of My Wet Days!

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I have decided to quit drinking. It is time. I was never very good at it, and I’m not getting any better.

I’m making this announcement now so that brewers and vintners have time to prepare for a slump in their winter sales. Sorry, I know you will miss me, but there are always others coming along.

This doesn’t mean that you can’t have a drink in front of me, or behind me, or that I won’t pour drinks, I just won’t drink drinks.

So, goodbye to all that!

Addendum (like anyone asked)…

1) Why are you quitting now, did something happen? Other than the fact that I got drunk and made as ass of myself for the 9000’th time, nope. That’s all part of the drinking game.

2) Did you have a religious conversion? That’s a good one. Not that it’s a bad idea, it’s just that all the religions want you to believe in a bunch of fanatical bullshit, and there’s way too much hate involved.* And, now we have Intelligent Design which is neither intelligent nor a design: it’s the same smelly fish wrapped in new paper.

3) Can’t you stick to the subject? Probably not.

4) Can you really quit drinking? Who knows. I quit once before for 5 years. Obviously, that didn’t work too well. Time will tell.

*We have a so-called religious “leader”, that wet brained Pat Robertson, calling for the assassination of Venezuela?s president Hugo Chavez. If you, or I, called for someone’s assassination, we would be hauled off to some secret place, tortured, and spend the next 40 years looking for daylight. But since he’s a “Christian,” it’s a matter of “free speech.” I am personally looking forward to the day when I read he has died; hopefully of something horrible that could have been cured through stem cell research. That is something worth praying for.

Aug 12


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A kid sticks the nozzle from a can of Dust Off in his mouth. The kid pulls the trigger. The kid dies.

People are shocked that Dust Off, which contains a propellent that will freeze your fingers if you hold the can wrong, isn’t harmless when shot down your throat. There ought to be a law. Get the lawyers involved. Sue someone; sue everyone.

I remember when the dimwits huffed paint, and gasoline, and any other damn thing that could make them high. I knew a guy in the Marine Corps who would buy 3 or 4 bottles of Old Spice on payday, and then drink them: he got fucked up, and smelled really nice. After a few times huffing and drinking, the old brain bulb got pretty damn dim.

Just remember it’s all part of the plan: a case of Too Stupid To Live, or Intelligent Design. Your choice.

Aug 05

A Rock and Roll October!

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October 1st: Green Day concert at Save Mart Center in Fresno.

October 8th: 50 Year Class reunion at Doubletree Hotel/Motel, who can tell?, in Fresno.

October 11th: System of a Down concert at Save Mart Center in Fresno.

At my age, it’s all rock and roll, and, being deaf, I should at least be able to hear the words at the concerts while pretending to understand the mumbling at the reunion.

Aug 05

Mark Knopfler at Mountain Winery

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“>imageWe saw Mark Knopfler at Mountain Winery in Saratoga on July 27th. It was a great concert, maybe the best I have ever been to; or, as my brother said:

The best concert I’ve ever been to that I remember.

I won’t even attempt to explain what that means though it should be apparent if you know me; and since no one reads this damn thing but me, I guess I do.

Anyway, the concert was great. Mark Knopfler makes playing the guitar look effortless. I even thought about going right out and buying one so I could learn to play like him in a week or two; it shouldn’t take any longer, should it?

And then, I could get…

money for nothing, and chicks for free.

All slang is a metaphor, and all metaphor is poetry. - G. K. Chesterton




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